May 9 - 15, 2015

– Emily PetroffThe PhD student explains that unusual signals received by the Parkes telescope and thought to be from space were in fact from the office microwave. The discovery follows news NASA actually considered sending Big Bird and his puppeteer into space on the doomed Challenger mission.

– Kevin AndrewsThe minister for defence explains that he cares as much about who leads the Greens as who runs the Islamic State. The answer to both questions is on a napkin kept under lock and key by Leigh Sales.

– Rachelle LouiseThe former partner of Simon Gittany speculates on the misandry of supreme court judge Lucy McCallum, whose own marital status probably had little to do with Gittany throwing a woman to her death from a Sydney balcony.

– Tony AbbottThe prime minister announces Australia will mark the birth of Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana with a $10,000 donation to programs aiding the mountain pygmy possum, imperilled by his government’s climate change policy.

– Miranda TapsellThe Darwin-born actress celebrates winning two Logie Awards with a plea for diversity on television. Later, The Footy Show took home its 10th statuette.

– Ken VekslerThe chief investment officer at Accumen Management deploys a swingeing mixed metaphor as he criticises Reserve Bank governor Glenn Stevens for cutting the cash rate. All that’s left in his arsenal now is a dangling modifier, and no one wants that.