August 1 – 7, 2015
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Breaking the cycle of addiction
The trouble with beating addiction is that it isn’t confined to one substance or activity.
The Quiz
Quotes
POLITICS
“He’s taken to Saturday night cooking, which is really hilarious. He gets all the ingredients and starts from scratch.”
Scott Morrison’s wife gives a sunny interview to Women’s Weekly. Unfortunately, she said, Scott is not so keen on washing up. Sure, he’ll make you a gulag – but then he’ll skive off to social affairs.
LAW
“Understand that by the very definition, you can’t rape your spouse.”
The special counsel for the Trump Organisation dismisses reports Donald Trump’s former wife felt raped by a violent encounter with the billionaire. Of course, marital rape is a crime. Unfortunately, running a deplorable campaign for the United States presidency is not.
RACE
“You know, the man is always a victim ... He humiliated a 13-year-old girl who didn’t even know what she was saying, and the public haven’t forgotten it.”
The shock jock condemns Adam Goodes for protesting racism, hoping the same public might have forgotten his own sorry history of race-baiting.
TRAVEL I
“Although it’s within the rules, it just doesn’t look right.”
The speaker has a second go at apologising for using public funds to charter a helicopter so she could appear at a Liberal Party fundraiser. One presumes sincerity cannot be written off as a travel expense.
HUNTING
“I apologise profoundly for this inconvenience and promise you that we will do our best to resume normal operations as soon as possible.”
The dentist who killed a lion in Zimbabwe apologises to patients for the “inconvenience” of the resulting global outrage. He promises to make up for it by wounding regulars with a root canal, stalking them for two days, and then finishing the job with a rifle.
TRAVEL II
“After 2 interesting tram trips last night now on the 109 on Collins St to Sth Cross to get the train to Geelong to visit @SHendersonMP.”
The minister for communications shares his love of public transport. He is much too gracious to point out a helicopter was available.
